Choosing Joy

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:2‭-‬4 ESV

“Count it all joy.” What does that actually mean? How does that look in everyday life? “Count it ALL joy?” All, like everything? Isn’t that a little excessive? What about the things that definitely don’t FEEL joyful in the moment?

For pretty much my entire life, I’ve been known as a happy/cheerful/joyful/optimistic person. When I was a toddler, my grandma gave me the nickname “Sunshine.” Whenever I got birthday cards, compliments, life-giving words, the majority of the time, they included something about my happiness. It was such a thing I was known for that I actually started to resent when people had to say something that they appreciated about me because 9 out of 10 times it would be about my “joyful attitude” or some other similar thing. It ended up feeling like they just said the easiest, most noticeable thing about me rather than get to know me.

And then came the tumultuous years where inside I was screaming, hoping someone would notice my misery, and offer me a way out besides suicide. On the outside, my happy persona continued. Someone even told me, “You should be more serious sometimes. You’re too happy.” Their words pierced my heart as I knew all too well the seriousness that was on the inside. They couldn’t see, maybe wouldn’t see. I don’t know.

Then I learned about counting it all joy. And now my joy is a choice. I choose joy on a daily basis. Why? Because this scripture says that counting it all joy is the first step to perfection, and I want to be perfect!

Choosing joy is easy when the children are perfect angels and my house is clean, and I got a full six hours of uninterrupted sleep. It’s almost not even really a choice then.

It becomes a choice when I see every single hour during the night and plans have changed again, and Aaron’s not getting home til way late or is gone an extra day for work and everything is not so pretty and flowing as I wish it was. Then I have to pause, take a breath, and choose to count it joy.

The baby is awake again for the eighth time tonight? Count it joy. I am not a victim of motherhood. I chose motherhood, and waking in the night to take care of littles is part of it.

Work schedule changed again with little to no notice? Count it joy. Aaron has a good steady job where he makes a difference every single day.

This principle can even apply in looking back on things that happened in your past.

I was sexually assaulted. Counting it all joy does not mean that I now somehow believe that it was a good thing. It does mean that I no longer am a victim to it. Counting it joy brings healing and empowers me to move forward. It gets me unstuck in my progress towards perfection.

If you find yourself stuck in a rut, feeling like a victim in whatever may have happened or may be happening in your life, try joy! See what happens.

Bookworm Alert

What book could you read over and over again?

I love reading. I’ve always loved reading. Many were the times that my mom would have to work hard to interrupt my imagination that was completely captured by the book in my hands. I read all the books in our school library, even the ones that were hidden in the back closet and were deemed inappropriate for some reason to have on the shelves. (Perks of being the child of the school janitors!)

We went to the library every single week and borrowed hundreds of books over the years. We went so often that I actually memorized my library card number and knew exactly where on the shelves the books were that I wanted to read. We also ordered in books from other libraries and eagerly watched the wait list until we were next in line. One summer during the summer reading program at the library, when I was around 10 or 11, I read around 200 books in one week! (Most of them were actually age level appropriate.)

However, there are only a few books that I will read over and over and never tire of. One such series is the King of the Trees books.

The King of the Trees books were written in the early 2000s by William D Burt, who is an author from near my hometown in Oregon. (You can find his website here.) They are a Christian allegorical fantasy series, and for some reason, I absolutely love them. I was gifted the series a few years ago and read them about once a year. I can hardly wait till our children are old enough to enjoy them.

There are nine books in the series King of the Trees, Torsils in Time, The Golden Wood, The Greenstones, The Downs, Kyleah’s Mirrors, and The Birthing Tree. My favorites are King of the Trees and The Greenstones.

The other books I never tire of are the classics from the 1950s, the Chronicles of Narnia. I must confess, though, that my favorite version of these books is the dramatized audio versions from Focus on the Family Radio Theatre. I have listened to them so many times that I can quote large sections of the audio.

This series has seven books, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe; Prince Caspian; The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; The Silver Chair; The Horse and His Boy; The Magician’s Nephew; and The Last Battle. My personal favorites from this series are The Horse and His Boy and The Silver Chair.

I love a good fantasy, but I’ve been spoiled by having read these two series, and now all others must compare. If they don’t, I don’t bother reading them. (And no, to all those who love the Lord of the Rings, I do NOT enjoy those books! Boo! 😄)

I have a goal to read more books this year than I read last year, and I’m well on my way to that goal. And now that I’ve written this, I might need to go get out my books and read them once again.

What books are you reading?

Writer’s Block

Sometimes, when I really want to write but am having a hard time figuring out what to write, I will scan over the ideas and drafts that I’ve written down for myself. Some of them have been sitting for 6 years. Waiting to either be fleshed out into a proper post or eventually thrown away because it doesn’t apply anymore.

As I review my drafts and list of prompts, I ask myself if I’m ready to tackle something that is controversial. I think I have this small fear that the day I tackle one of the really controversial topics on my list will be the day I accidentally go viral and find myself under fire from people who know nothing about me or this blog. I know, that’s a pretty ridiculous reason to not tackle a subject, but it is what goes through my mind.

If I tackle one of the subjects I’m super passionate about, I hear the line from my childhood ringing in my ears “Women should not teach men!” And since I can not guarantee that only women will read this blog, I debate if it’s proper for me to write about it or not. (And as I write this sentence I wonder if it’s right to include it. 😅) Childhood teachings are hard to shake off sometimes.

I also wish that I was inspired with the perfect post whenever the notification pops up on my phone, “Time to Write a Blog.” I am a perfectionist in the area of writing, and I wish to only write and publish the most perfect, amazing inspired pieces you ever did read every single time. However, I am learning to be ok with the less than perfect times, the ones that I feel are a total flop.

Earlier this year, I was challenged when I read Atomic Habits by James Clear. He pointed out that it takes practice to become the best, and the best way to practice is to make a habit out of doing it. So, I set myself a challenge to write a blog at least twice a month. I even set a reminder to myself, so I would remember. Maybe if I gain consistency, I will gain skill, and that will lead to bigger things in the future.

All the insecurities I’ve ever faced about my writing abilities are coming to face me head-on as I am getting ready to put the finishing touches on my first ever complete book! 🫨 I’ve been in the process of writing the manuscript for the last six years, and it’s finally ready for things like cover design and a unique ISBN. It takes courage to put small things like blog posts out into the world of strangers, and I’m finding it takes an even larger dose of courage to put out a full length book into the world at large. If it wasn’t for my husband’s insistent gentle encouragement and belief in my abilities, I likely would have just set the manuscript on a hidden shelf somewhere for my great-grandchildren to find. Maybe the next book won’t take so long, and maybe the next book won’t take so much courage. Who knows?

Now that I’ve written an entire blog post about not knowing what to write, maybe you have ideas for me. What are some things you’d like to hear from my perspective? Let me know in the comments!

P.S. The title of my book is Confessions of a Skirt-Wearing EMT: Memories of a Mennonite Girl in EMS. Coming soon to a bookshelf near you!